Sep 23 2009
The First Days Of Sobriety
The first thirty days sober are especially difficult. I would recommend that you spend some time in an intensive outpatient program, simply because you can learn a lot about your disease that you won’t hear in the rooms/meetings. (There are free programs in most cities and towns across America, for those who don’t have insurance or money….email me if you can’t find anything on your own..) And the rule of thumb is if you drank, or used every day, then you need to make a meeting everyday…at least for the first 90 days…Now I know quite a few of you had to go to detox, and then rehab…so I encourage you to follow up with meetings and getting at least a temporary sponsor, until you find someone that you really connect with…someone you can call with questions, or to find out where the good meetings are, ect…And there is a huge benefit to coming to the meeting early, or staying a few minutes after and talking with the other people that are there…They call this the meeting after the meeting, and sometimes you get more out of this, than you do the actual meeting its self…And reach out…If you have thirty days, there is most likely someone there who has only one day, or a week, so welcome them…They may not be able to comprehend how they are going to make it through the night, and would like to hear how you got thirty days…They can relate to you far more than the person that has twenty years at this point…exchange phone numbers…or just talk for a minute…It’s not a good idea for two new comers to hang out, but you can still be of service by listening, and it might keep you sober to remember how you felt in those first days…Cravings will come whether it was alcohol or drugs, and sugar always helps…It is an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body…so if you feel like using, get a chocolate shake, call another alcoholic or get to a meeting, take a nap, make a gratitude list, take a walk, or read some of the literature…The Big Book was too much for me when I first got clean, I couldn’t understand it…But there is a small magazine that has short stories in it that is really cool, (The Grapevine)and the Twelve and Twelve is a little easier to comprehend when your brain is scrambled…And after a while you begin to heal from all the damage you have done to yourself, and some of your skills will resurface….And above all else, take your medication…if you’re having side effects that you don’t like, speak with your doctor. (Some of the side effects will go away in a couple of weeks, but if they are too much for you to deal with, tell your doctor that the medication is not working for you, and that you need to try something else.) If you need medication, or to see a doctor and you don’t have money or insurance, there are programs available, so contact me if you need help finding one. I like to keep a journal, for several reasons…one is because your problems don’t go away when you get sober…I always thought that if I just didn’t drink, things would be fine, but when I stopped drinking I found that there were problems that had been there when I started drinking, and all these years later, they were still there. So get it out….out of your head and on to the pages of a journal, surprisingly you do feel better…second, when you look back on your journal you can clearly see your progress…so in six months when you realize that sobriety is work and you feel like nothing is getting better, so you might as well have a drink, you can look back and see how truly messed up you were, and how unmanageable your life was. You can take a good look at what rock bottom was for you, and how much better things are. They may not be what you thought they would be at six months of sobriety, but they are much better. And third, you can track what medications worked for you, and what didn’t…It sounds corny to start a journal, I know…but it is a great tool in getting to know yourself…I found that my perception changed drastically from day to day…and that I was very sick, self absorbed and unable to take responsibility for anything, when I first came in to recovery. I was always the victim. And I thought I played no part in where my life had ended up. Sobriety has been an amazing gift in my life. So if you slip, get up, come back and try again. We don’t shoot our wounded. If someone hurts your feelings at a meeting, still come back, because they are sick too. We are a bunch of sick people, trying to help a bunch of sick people. And everyone serves a purpose, even if it’s to set a bad example. Some people have dry time, some have sobriety, real serenity. You will be able to see the difference right away, and just gravitate to those who have what you want, find out what they do to get it. By the way, don’t share everything in a meeting. Share only in a general way, what it was like, what happened, and how you stayed sober today. Save the personal stuff for your support network. (Your girls/boys) Don’t share anything that you don’t want to get unsolicited advice about, because they are not doctors or therapist, and some of the advice will be bad and maybe offensive. And remember H.A.L.T. Don’t get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Oh yeah, and you have to leave behind your playmates and playgrounds…If you partied with them, or partied there, take some time away…Those places and people may be a trigger for a relapse…If you really want this thing, you have to be willing to go to any length to stay sober…And you have to stop putting poisons in your body if your medications are going to even have a chance to work for you..
You know everybody gets a sobriety date, but unfortunately, sometimes it is on their headstone.
This is a deadly disease, I have seen it kill. But I have also seen amazing recovery in the program. So be your own best friend, your own health advisor, your own biggest fan. I was so angry when I got my diagnosis, but if I were not an alcoholic and bi-polar I wouldn’t have been lead to the program that has changed me for the better. Today I live in the moment, and I see beauty in everything. I like myself, when before I couldn’t be alone with myself without being high. I remember thinking that I could never go a whole day without breaking the law, and today I am not afraid of the police. I haven’t had a warrant, an arrest or a ticket in a decade. You can change your life too. When we are drunk or high, we lose all our rights. Society can do whatever they want with us. Take back your power, become your best advocate. You can do this thing.
